You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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