coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
