At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
