i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
