Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
