remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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