i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
