the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I would fuck him just for his dog
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
