how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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