Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
