Actions speak louder than pants.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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