Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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