This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
