The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
