College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
