and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
