True but thats because hes a fetus.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
