I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The feeling are messing with the penis
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
