I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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