I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
