Are we in a gay sports bar?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
