Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
