Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
