Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He better not be in your backpack
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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