Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
