you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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