Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
