If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
