Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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