There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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