I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
