Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
No subtext here. People are naked.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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