hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
