its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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