He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
