I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Even my vagina gasped.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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