Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
