I got chris browned last night
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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