She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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