Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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