she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
