first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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