So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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