She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
