There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
