It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
