ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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