My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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