Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
