he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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