she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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