Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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