I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This baby is an asshole
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
