the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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