i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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