and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize