my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i came on her dog
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
