It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
