This girl is more easily done than said...
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize