Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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