you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
