You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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