Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
