just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
