I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
