She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
