Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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