I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
