beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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