Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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