you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
