Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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