i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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