you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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