I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
