You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
