reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
