I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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