Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
