omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
